OUR FIRST YEAR AS HUSBAND AND WIFE

Some people say the first year of marriage is tough. If that's the most common case, we are blessed. If anything, our relationship becomes better each day. We've been together for two years and married for a year, with each day that has passed, we've become better and more comfortable with each other. I'm not saying we didn't face any challenges, we do. But it's not our relationship, those strong winds come from outside factors and we're lucky our ground is strong. 
Taufan and I don't find it hard to adjust to cohabitation, though it's a huge adjustment period. We are learning how to share space and live together. Moving into a shared space might bring to light the differences and preferences each of us may have, and that will need compromise, patience, and healthy communication. Mundane domestic adjustments also happened naturally. I like to organise things, clean, and do house chores. Taufan is someone who also likes to do stuff too, so we take turns. This matter is probably the easiest for us to adjust. It happens so naturally that with no hesitation, we help each other to take care of our place and things. 
Adjusting our financial situation is also fairly easy for us. I'm not a shopaholic and neither is Taufan. So it's not a big problem as we only stick to what we need. We are both also fine with missing out - none of us cares about hype and stuff like that. Way before we got married, we already talked about finance and how we wanted to organise that. 
One thing that I understand why it feels so natural for us to blend together is none of us have a high degree of expectations. We of course have certain expectations, but neither of us forces the expectations to one another. We communicate things. We keep learning how to communicate our needs, preferences, and concerns. We discuss uncomfortable topics. Although on some days, some things lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, we never go to bed angry. Whenever we have misunderstandings, we take time alone, and when we are both ready we talk about it. We plant this mantra in our heads: it's not us against each other but us against the problem. 
Our healthy communication is something we are both proud of and this saves us from unnecessary drama. 
We both still learning is to blend two families together. There are some things that I personally found challenging to comprehend from one side or conflicted with my perspectives. It can be hard for us to navigate our spouse’s family when they may have different religious or political values, tense relationships with siblings, and some degree of toxicity. I'm thankful whenever there's a problem from outside, both Taufan and I think objectively and discuss it together. Tackling different family traditions and cultures can create stress, trigger trauma, and poke their mental issues that's why it is important to have a spouse who can be open-minded and objective, just as important as to have a spouse who can defend you, especially from their family. After all, it is OUR relationship, not our family's. Learning to differentiate and understand what's best for you, your spouse and your family can be challenging, but it is not impossible. You must, it's very important for you and your spouse. 
I believe every relationship is unique and couples have their own way of dealing with their problems. Some say Taufan and I are still in our honeymoon period, but really, since the beginning of our relationship, we are always like this. We struggle through big changes together and I think we did an amazing job as nobody knows how we deal with that. The point is that your first year of marriage should only make you more sure of the person you’ve chosen to be your one and only. Your 'The One' should give you energy instead of taking it from you. 

THE SECOND YEAR

There aren't enough ways to put this into words to describe how beautiful the past two years with you are.
One thing I know for sure is that I really am the luckiest girl to get to do life with you.
You are a strong, wise, loving, cheeky man who loves me in every way I need to be loved.
Thank you for all you do and all you are. 
I love you so much, my love.

A WEEKEND IN LIFE: MENJANGAN

All photos are mine

Last month, my husband and I decided to have the weekend early, we took Friday off and went on a 5 hours road trip with Menjangan Dynasty Resort as our destination. I've been eyeing MDR for a long time, perhaps way before we got married. However, with scheduling conflicts, budget, and everything, the trip had to be postponed. It's not always easy for my husband to take a day off from work. His role requires him to be always available - sometimes during weekends too. So when he was able to take a day off, without thinking too much, we booked the hotel around 10 days before the trip. We're so lucky there's still a room left! 
We stayed in one of the beach tents, which was perfect for a couple like us. The view was literally so pretty, you could see the beautiful beach and blue sky right from the porch. The service was amazing. After we checked in, they brought us to our room with a golf cart. When we got to our room, there was a welcome fruit basket with a cute note waiting on the table, the amenities were fully stocked and the bed was pretty comfortable despite the room idea was to sleep in a tent. One thing that both my husband and I wished them to improve was the bedding, for us, it was too rough and somewhat felt cheap. We prefer linen, cotton, or different materials such as tencel or bamboo bedding. But, to note, this is purely your preference!
We originally wanted the villa with a private pool but it was fully booked. But it didn't bother us much because the deluxe tent was just as comfortable as the Vila one, just smaller, and the public pool wasn't too crowded. In general, MDR is not a busy resort - it's somehow secluded, perfect for those who want to get away from the busy, hectic, life. What makes it perfect is, that MDR is a one-stop service kinda resort. They have water activities, a gorgeous restaurant with good food, and an astonishing view. My husband and I just wanted to relax, so we mostly spent the day on the day bed on the beach - he's playing games and I reading a book. 
Overall, we had a wonderful stay at Menjangan Dynasty Resort. Such a beautiful, relaxing place with a wonderful view, and amazing service. Highly recommend! 

THE ONE

There's no right or wrong answer to this question: how do you know he's the one? I used to wonder about that too and the more I thought about it, the more I realised, I wouldn't understand until I felt it. 

It's completely normal to have that question lingering in your mind. We don't want to waste our time, feelings, and energy with the wrong person. Some people want to bring the relationships to the legally binding, and some want both parties to reach the same level of commitment. One thing that we all share in common is to have a good relationship with a good person. A relationship is each other's commitment. 

It can be so easy to say 'I love him!' at the beginning of the relationship. We are filled with the excitement, the joy and perhaps certain expectations. Sometimes, we are also blinded by the idea of love. People cross each other's paths for reasons. And naturally, we hope the reason is a wonderful one.

If there have to be signs that you have found the one, these are probably what I can tell you, purely based on my understanding and experience. Please note, that I am not an expert in relationships or love, these are purely my opinions.

OUR WEDDING DETAILS #VERATAUFANFOREVERMORE

Finally! FINALLY!

If you asked me two years ago if I'd get married or not, aku mungkin akan menjawab 'gak tahu'. Jangankan 2 tahun lalu, akhir tahun 2022 saja aku masih belum tahu kalau aku akan menikah dengan Taufan. Cerita kami dimulai bulan November 2022. Everything happened so smoothly like they meant to be. Cepat? Ya. Bulan Maret 2023, Taufan melamarku saat kami mau makan malam, he didn't have the ring at that time. Lalu, bulan April 2023, kami berkenalan dengan orang tua dan keluarga masing-masing. Fast forward to June 2023, we're officially engaged. 

Persiapan dilakukan legit 6 bulan sebelum. Awalnya aku cemas, rasanya terlalu cepat. Tapi setelah bertemu dengan A Doni dari TWEX, aku lebih secure dan yakin kalau wedding planning di H-6 bulan itu sangat mungkin. Anyway, aku ingin membahas vendor-vendor yang membantu kami selama 6 bulan terakhir ini satu persatu yaaa... 

THE FIRST YEAR

I still remember the very first day we met again after a while. It was the first weekend in November, my first week in Bali. We had been texting for a while, planning to meet to catch up. That day, I was so excited because he was the first friend I met after I fell into the depression hole.
That day was also the first time I was actually getting ready - I had my makeup on, though it was my usual 'no makeup' makeup look. I was so proud of myself for having the courage to meet people and got myself up from the bed. Since moving to Bali, I felt like I had been given a second chance in life.
He picked me up around 11 a.m. I still remember the first sentence he said, "You look so good!" and it brought a smile to my face. He knew I hadn't seen daylight for many moons. He knew very well I was severely depressed and suicidal. He knew I was anxious at that time.
We went to a cafe, ordered and then started to catch up on our lives. I was being raw with him, raw and unfiltered. I told him almost everything that had happened to me and how I felt about that. When I told him I attempted suicide four times, he said, "I'm glad none of them were successful. I can't lose a friend like you,"
We spent from am to pm that day. Little did we know that first meeting was just the beginning of our love story. Then, fast forward to three weekends later, on November 19th, we shared our first kiss and marked the date.
"How did that happen?""Probably meant to be,"
One year ago, I didn't know he would mean the world to me.One year ago, I didn't know a kiss would be the door to a whole new journey I'd love to walk with him.One year ago, it didn't cross my mind I would wed him soon.
A year can do a lot to a person.
My second chance in life has been so wonderful and one of the reasons is because of him. It’s hard to believe it has been one year now, but each day that passes is better than the last. The more I learn about him, the more I fall in love with him.

A LIFETIME COMPANION

As he takes my hand and holds it tight,he says"You are a warrior and you will never fight another battle alone,"

RELATIONSHIP CHECK-IN

My partner and I have a routine we call relationship check-in, in which we ask each other the same questions every month. We have done this since the beginning of our relationship. I think this is very important as this routine allows us to be honest with ourselves and each other. Doing relationship check-in also helps us be better people for ourselves and each other and supports our relationship to grow better.
We begin by asking questions and then thanking each other for being honest and willing to work together in this relationship. And of course, end the check-in with a big, warm hug and a kiss on the forehead.
Here are the questions for the relationship check-in.

1. How connected are you feeling in the relationship?
2. Do we have enough quality time together?
3. Is there anything I am doing that's been annoying you lately? 
4. Is there anything I've stopped doing that you miss?
5. How can we have more fun together?
6. Is there anything you want us to work on?
7. How healthy do you feel our relationship is?
8. Do you feel loved by me?
9. What have you done for yourself in the past month?
10. What have you got coming up this month and how can I support you?

I hope you and your partner find a beautiful and healthy relationship. Everyone deserves that <3

I SAID YES BECAUSE HE IS HIM

It's a feeling beyond imagination.I can feel my heart melt for him.He brings calmness, inspiration, laughter, and joy.I'm able to share my dreams and life with him.I can see a future with him.I'm sure he is not a lesson but the other half that I've been looking for.

PLAYLIST | SHE SAID YES

In June, my partner and I were engaged. I knew the day would come as we talked about our future together a lot. We both want the same things and align in some perspectives, even when we don't, we always have a way where both of us are happy.
Anyway, these are some songs we always put on the player. We have a curated playlist that we always listen to every time we go out. These us the songs we listened to on the day we got engaged.

1. Can't help falling in love - Elvis Presley
2. Bella luna - Jason Mraz
3. Arabella - Arctic Monkeys
4. Lucky - Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat
5. Just a kiss - Lady A
6. You are my religion - Firehouse
7. Photograph - Ed Sheeran
8. Stand by me - Ben E. King
9. Ease my mind - Ben Platt
10. Way back into love - Hugh Grant & Haley Bennett

Now, our homework is to curate our wedding playlist! Any suggestion? ;)

A NEW CHAPTER OF OUR JOURNEY

My dearest Taufan,

Words can't describe how happy and thankful I am to be engaged to an amazing man like you.

You're not my first love, nor I was yours.

But one thing I know, being with you is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Let's start with forever, shall we?

Love always,

Your (soon-to-be) wife 

 

I FEEL STRANGE

My partner has been taking care of me endless times for the past few weeks, as life has been pretty challenging for me.

I wasn't in my best state - I skipped meals and/or had my meal late. I fell in the bathroom and hit my head so hard that I spent days in the hospital. I found out there was something unusual in my brain, and it added up to my personal medical mystery. Most days, I woke up tired.

I've had a few mental breakdowns - mostly from seeing my reflection in the mirror. I hate how I look, especially in my favourite clothes. Facing my phobia. Triggered and reliving my trauma. And then the bad thought haunted me, again.

I miss my family, being away from them is always a strange feeling. I miss my fur babies. I miss my flowers. Also, I miss my good old Aussie days. 

Yet at the same time, so many exciting and big things coming my way, professional and personal lives, and I'm over the moon! Working on the projects gets me hooked up, something I look forward to every single day. Somehow it's so therapeutic to plan and organise those things. I feel even more alive.

Isn't it insane what mental illness can do to you? I feel everything and nothing at the same time.

One night he softly cares my head as I leaned on his chest, crying. He said this is a phase I have to get through because I'm one step closer to being healed.

If it is, then I'm willing to endure and be stronger. I'm willing to push through my limit.

My love, thank you for being so understanding and patient. You are there for me when I couldn't be there for myself🤍

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AFTER TRAUMA

Being able to open up to new people after a traumatic experience(s) is not easy. We become more aware of the red flags - often feel like we are too aware. For trauma survivors or those who are experiencing traumatic relationships, the act of deepening relationships can be challenging. 

Today I want to talk about my own experience of starting to open up to people again and how to be in a relationship after a traumatic one.

Keep in mind, I am not an expert. What I share is purely based on my journey.